Sauna you than me

Across the road from us is the Palace Hotel which is pretty convenient because we can use their indoor tennis courts and their swimming and sauna area. The Hotel might be considered to be a bit dated, I think if you were building a hotel today in the style of the 70's and 80's this hostelry would give some creative inspiration. Bring back those Formica Years! It seems popular all year, the car park is always full with Austrian and German plates. Probably the buffet dinner, with beer and wine included, is a success factor. Need to be quick off the mark before all the puds disappear though!
They seem to have a formula that works and know their customers.
For example, the sign telling people not to reserve sun loungers is only in German. The sign telling people not to wear swimming costumes in the sauna is only in English and Italian.
Modesty must be language specific.

One feature of the Austrian Sauna to be wary of is the Aufguss. This is where one of the victims, or the attendant, pours water on the stones and then waves a towel like a demented football supporter to direct the super-heated steam to the furthest corners of the wooden box. If you know Aufguss is coming you have the opportunity to beat a swift retreat. If you are caught unawares its a brave man or woman who tries to open the door and escape during an Aufguss. Imagine your welcome to Hell - a fire breathing dragon burning the flesh from your back, yes that's Aufguss. Still might be favoured over the abuse you'll get if you try and leave in the middle though!
Anyway, the sauna visit brings to mind the old joke – two old colonial types are sitting in their club when an elderly woman 'streaks' through the lounge. One old boy says to the other, “what on earth did she have on?”. “No idea old boy, but it needed ironing!”

The swimming pool gave me a first, Aqua Aerobics! I was happily honing my new found swimming skills when we failed to notice a fitness instructor had landed and all the residents were getting ready for their afternoon session. The pool steps had been blocked, there was no escape! “You vill exercise now”. Being severely uncoordinated this was a bit of a concern however 1.5m water hid my lack of balance and timing and I survived the 30 mins without too many reprimands and I don't think I injured anyone.
The swimming and sauna costs 9 Euro each and the tennis is 12 Euro for the court.