Life in the slow lane

As part of a fiendish plan to learn new skills I took up swimming last summer but have not really been in the water regularly enough to improve.

So decided get out of the snow and rain and dip into the local municipal pool in Maidenhead. This is definitely a new and challenging experience for me. Monday at 12:00 is supposed to be a good time. There is a ladies only session in the morning and when that finishes the theory is that the pool is empty. In practice of course it was still full. The free swimming area was full of mums with children and all the lanes were in use.

So, nothing else for it but to share a lane! Lanes are graded for fast and slow swimming. No problem deciding which lane I should dip into – the slow lane. But that’s where the problem really starts. Can you believe that people have to swim up and down the same lane, it’s like being in a contraflow with no cones.

Of course, the ladies in the slow lane only have to wiggle a toe and they shoot down the other end. They appear to make no effort as they cruise along their heads above the water. Yours truly has to use his full wing span and a vast amount of energy just to stay afloat and make a little headway down the pool.

My head goes under between strokes only emerging to gasp another lung full of air if I’m lucky, and chlorinated water if I am not. I don’t need the added complication of these floating humans bearing down on me in the opposite direction and from behind. A Trident submarine is a pretty fearsome beast but would come off second best with the municipal torpedoes in my lane.

There was no time to rest at the turn and take in the scenery. Whoooah, here comes another one! They don’t speak either. I don’t know if there is some form of swimming etiquette that forbids speech when sharing the lane. Or maybe they gave me the cold shoulder because of the kicks and punches they received from my erratic strokes as they glided past?

The water was at least comfortably warm and the showers were hot.
Look out for the human wave machine getting ready for London 2012!